Interview With a Trans Woman

When did you first realize you were a woman?

Believe it or not, when I was 49. Up until then, I lived as a man. I married a woman and had two children with her. Of course, I knew I was different even as a child. I was bullied often for being “gay” in kindergarten because back then, in the 70’s and 80’s, nobody knew what trans even was. But I liked being around girls because I felt more at home with them. I wasn’t allowed to have “girly” things like pink clothes with flowers on them, and that annoyed me, even at the age of five. They made me hang around with the boys, who wanted to beat me up, instead of the girls, who wanted to paint my nails. It didn’t make sense to me.

What has your gender journey been like?

Well, like I said, I lived as a man for most of my life. When I started questioning my own identity, I called myself genderqueer, because that’s where I was. I supported anyone who was on the margins, either genderbending like RuPaul or being more androgynous like David Bowie. Then I started to recognize who I really was: a woman. Not genderqueer or even dabbling any more. That’s when I really started to transition. 

Do you feel like you are supported by those around you?

Here in Portland, yes. In the rest of America, not so much. I’ve been discriminated against and even sexually assaulted. But I don’t get misgendered as much now.

Have you been harassed going to the ladies’ room?

Oh, yes. I used to present more masculine, so it happened more often then than it does now. Before, I didn’t have the body or clothes to indicate that I was feminine, so you wouldn’t know if I was in the right place if you saw me in the ladies’ room. Of course, this was also in places where people aren’t as accepting.

How has being trans affected your ability to live your life? Getting a job, a place to live, things like that?

It’s hard to tell. If I don’t get a certain job, it might be due to my lack of experience in the field, it might be due to my age, or it might be because I’m a trans woman. I just don’t know. So there’s always that question.

How did you deal with what you felt before you transitioned?

I did some macho things like digging ditches and otherwise getting my hands dirty. A lot of the more manly types of jobs are done by trans women trying to escape their identity by compensating for it. I was lucky in that none of my compensation came in the form of transphobia or homophobia. A surprising portion of trans- or homophobic people are secretly either gay or trans. (This is not particularly surprising to the interviewer.)

The trans experience varies from person to person, but there are some constants, such as the bathroom conundrum. If everyone was a little more accepting, if the stories of trans people could change even a single mind, this world would be a better place. Be kind to your trans brothers and sisters.