Storytime With Auntie CJ

 One day, at precisely noon Greenwich Mean Time, every speaker in the world turned on at once. Then came what we all agreed to call The Message. It was not loud, but it was omnipresent; permeating the air and making it vibrate all over the planet in unison.  When it started, everyone in the world stopped what they were doing, whether it was sleeping, bathing, or even firing guns at each other, to hear The Message. Everyone heard what was said in their own language, but it was made very clear what it was and its origin, across all cultures and theologies. This is what was heard by English-speaking Americans: “Is this thing working now? Yes?  “Ahem. Humans on Earth, We bring you a message of both power and peace. We are the beings you would call ‘God.’ It has come to Our attention that lots and lots of you are being truly nasty to each other, far too often in Our name.  “All sides in every conflict, whether it is war or football, sincerely believe We are on t...

  The chiming of my phone woke me up. That must be Darin, I thought. We were going to the club in a few hours, so I had lain down for a quick nap. Eyes still closed, I tapped my earpiece. “A little early, dude.” “Hello, honeychild.” My eyes snapped open and I bolted upright. Both the voice and the term of endearment were familiar, but I hadn’t heard either in eight years and never expected to again. “Mom??” “Of course!” “Look, it’s not that I’m not happy to hear from you, but I have your ashes in an urn that I’m looking at right now. This is a little unexpected, is all.”  “’That is not dead which can eternal lie.’ Lovecraft. The Necronomicon. Death is more of a transition than an end. I’ve been watching you since I left my body behind.” “What, all the time?” I was a little alarmed by this. Was my mom watching me...constantly? What had she seen me do? “Not all the time; I respect your privacy. But I’m worried about you, Tatum. You spend too much time clubbing ...

When did you first realize you were a woman? Believe it or not, when I was 49. Up until then, I lived as a man. I married a woman and had two children with her. Of course, I knew I was different even as a child. I was bullied often for being “gay” in kindergarten because back then, in the 70’s and 80’s, nobody knew what trans even was. But I liked being around girls because I felt more at home with them. I wasn’t allowed to have “girly” things like pink clothes with flowers on them, and that annoyed me, even at the age of five. They made me hang around with the boys, who wanted to beat me up, instead of the girls, who wanted to paint my nails. It didn’t make sense to me. What has your gender journey been like? Well, like I said, I lived as a man for most of my life. When I started questioning my own identity, I called myself genderqueer, because that’s where I was. I supported anyone who was on the margins, either genderbending like RuPaul or being more androgynous like David Bowie. Th...

 “Fine, get out!” Andy screamed at the door that had just closed behind his soon-to-be-ex-wife. To fully express his rage, he threw a nearby vase at the door, as well, where it shattered. Amy was the second wife to up and leave him with no warning. She said something about anger issues, but he didn’t have any goddamned anger issues! He went around the house, finding pictures of her and throwing them around. His first wife, Teresa, took their son Blake with her, and Amy took their daughter Ophelia. Being peripherally aware of the bruises he had inflicted on his wives and children, he did not expect to see any of them again. When the neighbor came knocking, wanting to know if he was okay, he screamed at the man to mind his own damned business and slammed the door in his face. He needed to hit somebody, preferably a total stranger. Dissatisfied with all the venting he had already done, he headed to the nearest bar. In the smoky, whisky-scented air, he flagged down the barte...

For the third installment of the Interview series, I sat down and had a nice chat with a Satanist friend of mine:  When did you first become involved with the CoS? My first exposure to it was actually when I was 12. I was at a bookstore and I opened Anton LaVey’s autobiography and I saw him cavorting with a naked woman. I thought that was really cool. I always had an interest in it, but being very young I didn’t have the opportunity to learn more about it until about a year later, after I read in Time Magazine that he died in 1997. I got my hands on the Satanic Bible and read it, then I became involved in an online message board called Letters to the Devil. That was the official/unofficial CoS message board, and a number of prominent members including the High Priestess used to post on there regularly. When I was 19, I officially joined the church and I am technically still a member, although I am no longer deeply involved. Does the church worship the literal depiction of Satan...

Milton hated his job. He worked as a fraud intake specialist for a bank, taking reports from customers and sending them to be investigated. He exerted minimal effort in doing his job, cutting corners and not worrying too much about those little details. He often got chastised for missing important information in his reports, but he knew they wouldn’t fire him because they needed all the bodies they could get to do the job. After work, he always went straight back to his apartment, which was actually his parents’ basement, to eat a microwave dinner and then play video games until he got tired. One Friday, he was at his computer, a can of cola near his right hand, on a raid with some of his teammates. He realized that he did not have any cheese puffs, which was his favorite snack. He told his companions to wait for him, and drove to the convenience store three blocks away. Cheese puffs in hand, he went back to his car, but something happened that caught his attention. Right in fron...